Funny and Good Percy Jackson Quotes
by Clarissa Jackson
Summary: This are just some funny and good Qoutes of Percy Jackson and the Olympians that I found . It s my first Fanfiction so I hope you like it . Thanks for reading and have fun . 3


**_Funny and Good Quotes from Percy Jackson _**

_One of the things that made me so obsessed about this series, was the humor that Rick Riordan put in it. Now if your reading this, it is a SPOILER. this contains all Good and Funny Quotes from the whole series. So if you read one book remember some quotes might spoiler somethings. This is a great series, enjoy! Remeber Percy Jackson is the Narrator of the series._

_1. (This is a very funny part in the third book the titans curse, They are at the hoover Dam) Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."_

_Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"_

_Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"_

_"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."_

_Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."_

_"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said._

_"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."_

_HAHAHA_

_2. (this is from the third book also) Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades."_

_3. (this is from the third book also) "Grover was sniffing the wind, looking nervous. He fished out his acorns and threw them into the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but Grover looked concerned._

_"That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."_

_"Which one is me?" I asked._

_"The little deformed one," Zoe suggested._

_"Oh, shut up."_

_4. (this one is from "Battle of the Labyrinth" the fourth book in the series, and i thing aphrodite is talking) "Be careful of love. It'll twist your brain around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong."_

_4. (this one is from "Battle of the Labyrinth" the fourth book in the series, and i thing aphrodite is talking) "Be careful of love. It'll twist your brain around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong."_

_5. (i'm not quite sure which book this is in but i think it is "The Titans Curse"_

_"Dreams like a podcast,_  
><em>Downloading truth in my ears.<em>  
><em>They tell me cool stuff."<em>

_"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad._  
><em>He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."<em>  
><em>"A god named Fred?"<em>

_6. (aphrodite speaking)_

_Aphrodite: "Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"_

_Percy: "Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"_

_Aphrodite: "Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart."_

_7. (This is one of my Favorites. I think the book is "Battle of the Labyrinth"_

_"Something was wrong with Luke," Annabeth muttered, poking at the fire with her knife. "Did you notice the way he was acting?"_

_"He looked pretty pleased to me," I said. "Like he'd spent a nice day torturing heroes."_

_"That's not true! There was something wrong with him. He looked...nervous. He told his monsters to spare me. He wanted to tell me something."_

_"Probably, 'Hi, Annabeth! Sit here with me and watch while I tear your friends apart. It'll be fun!'"_

_8. (this is from the "Titans Curse" REMEBER ARTEMIS AND APOLLO ARE BROTHER AND SISTER)_

_He cleared his throat and held up one hand dramatcailly._  
><em>"Green grass breaks through snow.<em>  
><em>Artemis pleads for my help.<em>  
><em>I am so cool."<em>  
><em>He grinned at us, waiting for applause.<em>  
><em>"That last line was four syllables." Artemis said.<em>  
><em>Apollo frowned. "Was it?"<em>  
><em>"Yes. What about I am so bigheaded?"<em>  
><em>"No, no, that's six syllable, hhhm." He started muttering to himself.<em>  
><em>Zoe Nightshade turned to us. "Lord Apollo has been going through this haiku phase ever since he visited Japan. Tis not as bad as the time he visited Limerick. If I'd had to hear one more poem that started with, There once was a godess from Sparta-"<em>  
><em>"I've got it!" Apollo announced. "I am so awesome. That's five syllables!" He bowed, looking very pleased with himself."<em>

_9. (i'm pretty sure this is from "The battle of the labyrinth or "The last olympian")_

_Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb._  
><em>Annabeth: Was it hard?<em>

_"_

_10. (from "The battle of the labyrinth)_

_"Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?_  
><em>Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?<em>  
><em>Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god! . . . They don't seem to care."<em>

_11. (from sea of monsters)_

_"We only came close to dying six or seven times, which i thought was pretty good. Once, I lst my grip and found myself dangling by one hand from a ledge fifty feet above the rocky surf. But I found another handhold and kept climbing. A minute later Annabeth hit a slippery patch of moss and her foot slipped. Fortunately, she found something else to put it against. Unfortunately, that something was my face._  
><em>"Sorry," she murrmured.<em>  
><em>"S'okay," I grunted, though I'd never really wanted to know what Annabeth's sneaker tasted like."<em>

_12. (from "Titans Curse" another one of my favorites)_

_"Can you surf really well, then?"_  
><em>I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.<em>  
><em>"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."<em>

_He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)_

_13. (from battle of the labyrinth or The last olympian)_

_"God alert! Blackjack yelled. It's the wine dude!_

_Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"_

_14. (from the titans curse)_

_""Wow," Thalia muttered. "Apollo is hot."_  
><em>"He's the sun god," I said<em>  
><em>"That's not what I meant.""<em>  
><em>— Thalia and Percy"<em>

_15. (from the "titans curse"_

_"It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up._

_-Percy, thinking about talking to Apollo"_

_16. (from "The Battle of the Labyrinth)_

_""Monkey bar," Annabeth said. "I'm great at these." She leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure."_

_17. (from "The Last Olympian)_

_"I don't recommend shadow travel if you're scared of:_

_a) The dark_  
><em>b) Cold shivers up your spine<em>  
><em>c) Strange noises<em>  
><em>d) Going so fast you feel like your face is peeling off<em>

_In other words, I thought it was awesome._  
><em>-Percy Jackson"<em>

_18. (from "The Sea of Monsters)_

_"Ever come home and found your room messed up? Like some helpful person (hi, Mom) has tried to "clean" it, and suddenly you can't find anything? And even if nothing is missing, you get that creepy feeling like somebody's been looking through your private stuff and dusting everything with lemon furniture polish?"_

_19._

_""A Demigod!" one snarled._  
><em>"Eat it!" yelled another.<em>  
><em>But that's as far as they got before I slashed a wide arc with Riptide and vaporized the entire front row of monsters.<em>  
><em>"Back off!" I yelled at the rest, trying to sound fierce. Behind them stood their instructor-a six-foot tall telekhine with Doberman fangs snarling at me. I did my best to stare him down.<em>  
><em>"New lesson, class," I announced. "Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is completely normal, and will happen to you right now if you don;t BACK OFF!"<em>  
><em>To my surprise, it worked. The monsters backed off, but there was at least twenty of them. My fear factor wasn't going to last that long.<em>  
><em>I jumped out of the cart, yelled, "CLASS DISMISSED!" and ran for the exit.<em>

_20. (The Lightning theif)_

_"Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing."_

_21. (THE TITANS CURSE)_

_"In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day."_

_23. (The battle of the labyrinth_

_"You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed."_

_24. (The battle of the labyrinth)_

_"Jumping out a window five hundred feet aboveground is not usually my idea of fun. Especially when I'm wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck."_

_25. "She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that._  
><em>Instead she said, "You drool when you sleep."<em>

_26. "I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."_

_27. "Dance you guys!" Thalia ordered. "You look stupid just standing there."_  
><em>I looked nervously at Annabeth, then at the groups of girls who were roaming the gym.<em>  
><em>"Well?" Annabeth asked.<em>  
><em>"Um, who should I ask?"<em>  
><em>She punched me in the gut. "Me, Seaweed Brain."<em>  
><em>"Oh. Oh right."<em>

_28. "Annabeth: Hey, Seaweed Brain._

_Percy: Will you stop calling me that?_

_Annabeth: You know you love it."_

_29.( the last olympian)_

_"It's him," I said. "Typhon."_  
><em>I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!'<em>

_31. (The lightning theif)_

_"All I could think of was that the teachers must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorms room. Or maybe they'd realized I got my Essay on Tom Sawyer from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book. "_

_32. (the lightning theif)_

_""Percy, meet Gladiola. Gladiola, Percy."_  
><em>I stared at Annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me, but she looked deadly serious.<em>  
><em>"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle," I said. "Forget it."<em>  
><em>"Percy," Annabeth said. "I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle."<em>  
><em>The poodle growled.<em>  
><em>I said hello to the poodle.<em>

_33. "There were a lot of answers I might've given, from "I knew that" to "LIAR!" to "Yeah right, and I'm Zeus." - Percy, after Quintus says that he is Daedalus"_

_34. ""Monkey bar," Annabeth said. "I'm great at these." She leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure."_

_35. ""You're Dionysus," I said. "The god of wine."_  
><em>Mr. D rolled his eyes. "What do they say these days, Grover? Do the children say 'Well duh!'?"<em>  
><em>"Y-yes, Mr. D."<em>  
><em>"Then, well, duh! Percy Jackson. Did you think I was Aphrodite, perhaps?"<em>  
><em>"You're a god."<em>  
><em>"Yes, child."<em>  
><em>"A god. You."<em>

_36. "my mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either "yes" or "help"._  
><em>Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.<em>

_Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions. finally he stepped forward._  
><em>"hi, I'm Paul Blofis"<em>

_Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand._  
><em>"blowfish did you say?"<em>  
><em>"ah, , actually."<em>

_"oh i see," Poseidon said. "a shame. i quite like blowfish. i an Poseidon."_  
><em>"Poseidon? that's an interesting name."<em>  
><em>"yes, i like it. I've gone by other names, but i do prefer Poseidon."<em>  
><em>"like the god of the sea."<em>  
><em>"very much like that, yes"<em>

_"well!" my mother interrupted. "um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy's father."_  
><em>"ah." Paul nodded, though he didn't look real pleased.<em>  
><em>"i see."<em>  
><em>Poseidon smiled at me. "there you are. my boy. and Tyson, hello, son!"<em>  
><em>"daddy!"Tyson [shouted]...<em>

_Paul's jaw dropped. he stared at my mother. "Tyson is..."_  
><em>"not mine," she promised. "its a long story."<em>

_37. (The lightning theif)_

_"Gabe scratched his double chin. "Maybe if you hurry with the seven-layer dip...And maybe if the kid apologizes for interrupting my poker game."_  
><em>Maybe if I kick you in your soft spot, I thought. And make you sing Soprano for a week. "<em>

_38. (Tantalus can't have food because of a punishment)_

_"That was so completely unfair that I told Tantalus to go chase a donught, which didn't help his mood. "_

_39. (Sea of monsters)_

_"I've met plenty of_  
><em>embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to<em>  
><em>destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited to<em>  
><em>school for Career Day."<em>

_40. "Everybody was patting Nico on the back, complimenting him on his fighting. Even the Ares kids thought he was pretty cool. Hey, show up with an army of undead warriors to save the day, and suddenly you're everybody's best friend."_

_41. ""why do you need to gallop while you fly?"_  
><em>"why do humans have to sway their arms while they walk? I dont know boss but it just feels right."<em>

_42. "As I got closer to the fence, I held my shirt over my nose to block the smell. One stallion waded through the muck and winnied angerly at me. He bared his teeth, which were pointed like a bear's._

_I tried to talk to him in my mind. I can do that with most horses._

_Hi, I told him. I'm going to clean your stables. Won't that be great? _

_Yes! The horse said. Come inside! Eat you! Tasty half-blood! _

_But I'm Poseidon's son, I protested. He created horses._

_Usually this gets me VIP treatment in the equestrian world, not this time._

_Yes! The horse agreed enthusiasticly. Poseidon can come in, too! We will eat you both! Seafood! _

_Seafood!The other horses chimed in as they waded through the feild."_

_43. (The lightning theif)_

_""Your uncle," Poseidon sighed, "has always had a flair for dramatic exits. I think he would've done well as the god of theater.""_

_Cedric Diggory didn't die Carlisle found him and he is now known as Edward Cullen._

_I love these. I thought of one more funny line from The Last Olympian:_

_Zeus: "...And you shall have a new...um...what kind of wepon would you like? A sword? An axe?"_

_Tyson:"Stick!"_

_" I am the least of the gods. Why do you trust me with this?'_

_" You're the last Olympian." I said. "And the most important." - Percy and Hestia, The Last Olympian_

_LOL! That's hilarious!_

_"Grover went off with his satyr friends to spread the word about our strange encounter with the magic of Pan. Within an hour, the satyrs were all running around agitated, asking where the nearest espresso bar was."-Percy Jackson: The Titan's Curse_

_Hahahahaha! I almost coughed up an internal organ when I read The Titan's Curse! In part of it, there was the line,_

_"The cafe was packed with kids enjoying the best part of the tour: the dam lunch."_

_95% of people would cry if they saw JUSTIN BIEBER on a skyskraper about to jump. If you're the 5% that would be doing a happy dance, copy and paste this as your signauture._


End file.
